I am seriously proud of Rob. He's done so well this week. Since finishing university he's been trying his best to find a job. He's had a few interviews and almost got there, but has just missed out despite his very best efforts. He's been applying like mad to EVERYWHERE since and was offered a lot of interviews for this week! So he was interviewed on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and yesterday for three different jobs; some in London and some in Bristol (which is about an hour away from where we live). And the good news is that they all went really well! He thinks he's got a couple, if not all of them in the bag which is absolutely fantastic. He's found out today that he's got an interview next week for a Formula 1 team! I can't tell you how excited he was about that- aside from being a pilot, that's possibly his dream job.
Of course the thing that's really amazing in all this is that despite having an incredibly busy week, he's still been round to see me every day. And that's something that truly reminds me how lucky I am to have him; he is showing so much support towards me. I'm so pleased that he's got on with sorting his life out too as well as being there for me though. I often feel very guilty that my ME causes him to do so much for me; I've always been keen that just because I'm not having much of a life at the moment, that doesn't mean that his should stop too. He still goes out with our friends and enjoys himself which I'm so pleased about. And even though he's been round a lot this week I'm really glad that he's been sorting his career out too. It's been great actually, seeing him all dressed up in a suit! He scrubs up pretty well! I've put a picture up for you to see- it was taken at my undergraduate graduation in 2010 (so even though I missed my PGCE one, at least I have had the whole graduation experience).Rob's mum, Janet, has also been a real source of strength for me. On Wednesday she went with me to the pain clinic. I was actually stupidly excited to be going out, even if it was to the hospital! When my carer came in that morning I told her that I wanted to get dressed up- it felt like a really big day for me. I couldn't wear my jeans because of my touch sensitivity; they're just too painful. So I wore my pink SoulCal trackie bottoms, a thin white Hollister hoodie, a body warmer and a white woolly hat (it was pretty cold!) So whilst I looked like I was going skiing, I felt really comfy but actually very dressed up. As I put my boots on though I realised that it had actually been two months since I'd last worn shoes! It's strange, in some ways I'm so used to being bed bound with ME that I kind of forget that I have it, but it's little things like that which just remind me of what my situation is really like at the moment.
I was hoping that the ambulance men who carried me down (and up) the stairs and took me to and from the hospital would be fairly good looking. However that wasn't the case unfortunately! I suppose in some ways it was a good thing; had they have been, I would probably have been even more embarrassed that they were having to carry me down the stairs, pile me into my wheelchair and stick me in the back of the ambulance. Janet followed in the car and met me in the waiting room of the pain clinic. I'm afraid I can't actually tell you a lot about my appointment! One of my symptoms is what's called 'brain fog'. It means that I often really struggle to find words, get confused a lot and I have a shocking memory. So I can't remember what happened or what was said; I'm guessing it went well though.
I was really looking forward to seeing Alice, Darren and baby Jake. But for one reason or another unfortunately that didn't happen. I wasn't just disappointed, I was majorly GUTTED. I don't know when I'll be able to leave my room again; I can't exactly call an ambulance to take me down and up the stairs to see them. This is what I really hate about having ME; my life is so restricted and it seems like the whole world is moving on whilst I'm stuck in my bed unable to move with it. It's not pleasant. But it can only mean that when I am more able to do things I'm REALLY going to appreciate it! It actually turned out to be a good thing that I didn't see Alice though; the payback yesterday from just travelling to the hospital and back and having my appointment (which involved sitting up for quite a while) caused a nasty little relapse. I dread to think what it would have been like if I'd have done any more. I woke up feeling horrendous; my head was spinning so badly and pounding too. I was in an awful lot of pain, very drowsy and my heart was very irregular. I couldn't take any light at all, I was paralysed in my legs and the slightest little noise like Tigger walking into the room made me very jumpy. I knew it was the payback; having ME for so long, you get to know what happens to your body very well. I couldn't really talk to my carer but I had my medication all the same before going back to sleep for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I had a bit of the feeling back in my legs so I assumed the worst had passed. How wrong I was! A very confusing thing about having ME is that people tell you to do different things to get better. Some tell you to really listen to your body, some tell you to push yourself as much as possible. Usually I go for the 'listen to your body' approach but yesterday decided that my body was going to listen to me. So I decided to just have a little walk around my room. I sat up and grabbed my crutches, but before I could stand up I collapsed and fell flat on the floor. I have a panic button to press if something like that happens; luckily I could feel myself about to go and pressed it just in time.
I don't know how long it took me to come round, but what I do know is that I've NEVER felt pain like that before. It was like the usual very severe pain I get, but an awful lot more intense. Not only were my legs paralysed, but my whole body was, all because of the pain. The emergency doctor came as I'd pushed my button. The next thing I was aware of was that two paramedics were in my room; I ended up lying on my bedroom floor being given gas and air for a good two hours. I've only had that stuff once when I was sixteen and had appendicitis. It didn't do a lot for the pain, it only took the edge off, but otherwise it was absolutely wonderful. It made me feel all lovely and floppy and I lost all sense of where I was or what was going on. I wish I could have it more often! They wanted to take me into hospital but I was dead set against the idea; last time I was in there for three weeks, and there's absolutely no way that I'm going to spend Christmas in there. If the pain doesn't settle, I apparently need to get them back out. It hasn't settled yet- I'm feeling very grotty indeed, very faint, and I still have the paralysis AND the pain. But the doctor is apparently coming out later so fingers crossed I can avoid going to hospital.
Yesterday wasn't all bad though! My mum is also a teacher (obviously with much more
experience than me!) and was given an iPad as an experiment; she has it for three months to see how she can use it in the classroom. And luckily for me, my treat after all the drama of the afternoon was to be the one who got to work it out. Having an iPhone I already knew how to use it, so I had a pretty good evening with Rob just playing on it! And I think I now know what I'd like for Christmas... (yes I know I have an iPhone, but it doesn't have a camera on the front and I just love that iPad...)
I'll leave you with a picture of Tigger getting all Christmassy. She absolutely loves playing with tinsel and everything. Mum tied a bauble to the end of my bed and she's been going mad over it! It's very funny; not the best for my noise sensitivity but I'm glad she's having fun. Cleo's been actually having a go with it too!
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